Here We Go Again

A Scene of Fiction

That was the first time I saw him again, after a year. He wore a black jacket, black jeans, was smoking his cigarrettes in approximately twenty meters from me. His friends called out my name and I smiled and I waved. He was silenced, still shallowing nicotine into his lungs. I ignored him as much as I could but the situation wouldn’t let me. I hate silence, and so I had to break it.

“Why are you here?” I said, as normal as ever (I wished)

“Ben says farewell to this city, he’s graduating soon.” he replied, nervously.

I could sense the tense. But I didn’t care enough to let the words stuck in my mouth. So we spoke in bare minimum conversation but I didn’t feel awkward at all. Even the first time I saw him, he was just a friend, and we were still friends.

I felt someone paying extra attention to our little conversation, a girl in leather jacket, smiled shyly to him. To me.

“Who is this?” I asked because it seems like they’ve known each other.

“She is a friend of Ben. Selza come here, this is Tris.” He asked her to come to us.

“Hi, I am Tris.” I shook her hand out of spontaneity. She looked startled, but then gave her best friendly smile in front of me.

The guys went to the pool but she didn’t want to join and neither did I. So we sit in the couch.

Weird. She and I had shallow pointless conversation but it was fun. Damn. I’m going to say this but you can’t question my interpersonal skill. I am a conversationalist.

She went to women talk about… boys. And fuck I could feel her eyes staring at him when we talked about our type. (So I said it was shallow conversation which I enjoy more than I thought)

“I love tall guys.” She said with a big smile in her face.

Wait. Me, too. I knew it. I could feel where it’s leading to.

“Ben is tall.” I said, instead of ‘Harvie is tall’. Yes, his name is Harvie.

“Not with that beard! I love guys who have thin moustache instead.” She added. Still went to THAT direction. Harvie’s direction. Sis not gonna let her. Sis is me.

“Philip is tall and has fair skin, no beard, plus thin moustache. So, you’re into Philip-like guys?”

I smiled as she stared for hundred times to Harvie but then he looked at us. He smiled. She waved. I smirked.

It was fucking obvious that she’s into him. And I was just gonna assume he’s into her, too. Since he didn’t flinch everytime that girl touched his hand on gesture. Strangely, everything that they did in front of me, I felt like I am winning. Was this such a toxic behavior? Superiority complex? I wasn’t sure. But it was not some positive pride after all.

I was sure she wanted to caress his hair so much. Calm down, girl. I did. It wasn’t great.

Truth is it was the BEST hair I’d ever caress.

She really wanted to show me how close they are but I was playing dumb lil sist I’m sorry. I would continue to pretend. But and then in my head I was just like ‘did he fuck her’ I was so curious and I would totally be fine with that. I would be happy for them. Harvie and I was never in one sentence, not now not even in the past. Still we shared some memories together.

Sis, if only you know how that feels. I wished for the best for them. Truly. And it was simply because I’d never looking back to the past.

The party was dull, but I had fun playing mind-game with this girl. I felt guilty but well, she wouldn’t even know I dumbfounded her. And, eh, who was her name again?

I was so curious how he felt about that. About me instantly being friends with his new girl, as if nothing ever happenned to us. About me so easily keeping a secret and act too normal sometimes I’m scared of myself too. How could I pretend that good? It was the first time we met each other after… a year.

On the way home I got a text.

From him. I swore too loud the taxi driver even looked eerily to me from the rearview.

I felt the chill. What, what would he say after a year? ‘hey that was my girlfriend btw thank you for keeping your promise to keep a secret’??? or perhaps ‘hey, i hope you didn’t say anything about us to her’???

I got more chill.

tris. just knock on my door.

what? I replied.

only if you want to. i’m not forcing you. but i would really like if you do.

Fuck. I wasn’t see it coming. I thought we ended just like that. Without words from him. So I’d never see him again. Simple as that.

you can just.. with her, you know she’s so into you. I sent it in 40 seconds.

but i’m not. if you change your mind just come. i’ll be waiting. i miss you and your body and your mind and everything about you. i mean it.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

P>S>hes>not>a>fuckboy>he>was>only>with>two>girls>i>can>confirm>i>was>his>friend>i>am>still>his>friend